Who Me ?

I don't know why, but my neighbors keep saying I look like I just fell out of the ugly tree and landed in the stupid bush.

Balloon

Balloon:  Helium filled latex designed to teach a small child not to let go.

Toilet Paper Thoughts

I write all my thoughts down on rolls of toilet paper.  They come in handy....I'm forgetful.

Pessimist

Pessimist:  He who prefers whining to counting blessings.

Forgetful

Blessed are the forgetful, for we are blest because........................

Freedom

A bird never searches for a cage...unless it lives in a house with a cat.

Gothic Junk

No commentary required.

Demographic Profile

I try to be true to my demographic profile, but I catch myself cheating all the time.

Deja Vu All Over Again

"A revolution is coming – a revolution which will be peaceful if we are wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are fortunate enough – but a revolution which is coming whether we will it or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability."
— John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Shhhhh !!!!

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes my mind is so quiet I loose it.

America Is Asleep

"Let China Sleep...For When He Wakes, He Will Move Mountains."
 — Napoleon Bonaparte

If we don't wake up soon, we shall be buried by the mountains being moved.
(X out Google ad for better viewing)

Spiritual Motivation

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....


Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.  Nothing seemed to help.

Then, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card... He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around..'

Lost And Found

One of my favorite pastimes as a young boy was going into the woods, getting lost on purpose, and then finding myself.

Fun

I've been having so much fun trying to figure out how many monkeys fit inside a barrell.

Sad Meals

Attention:  Families with "Happy Meal" age children have twelve months to move out of San Francisco.

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco’s mayor has vetoed legislation that would ban toys from fast-food children’s meals, though it’s still expected to become law.

Earlier this week, city supervisors passed the measure, which prevents toy giveaways for meals that don’t meet nutritional guidelines. Advocates have accused fast-food restaurants of predatory marketing to children and contributing to higher obesity rates.

The supervisors’ 8-3 vote is enough to override Friday’s veto by Mayor Gavin Newsom, who previously said he opposed the measure.

Newsom says that while the ban has good intentions, it’s parents — not politicians — who should decide what their children eat.

The ordinance is slated go into effect in December 2011.

Zealot

An enthusiast consumed with uncontrollable enthusiasm.

The Good Old Days

If things weren't so bad and I weren't so old, I'd have no need for nostalgia.

Reduce Speed

Birthdays, at my age, are like those mile marker signs on the side of the road.  After you've counted sixty or so, you really don't give a hoot about keeping track anymore.  Now, for you folks way back there in your 50's (you know who I'm talking about), here's another roadside sign I suggest you pay attention to...

Salvation

Salvation:  When the future switches from being a threat to a promise.

Foreign Language

They say really smart people know Latin or Greek as well as English. 
I don't know nutten cept English.