Excercise

Exercising when you're young makes you feel young.  Excercising when you're old makes you feel old.

Daydream Believer

Whenever I feel the need to exercise my brain, I daydream.

No Clothes

"My beard grows down to my toes,
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes."

— Shel Silverstein

No Difference

Small as a peanut,
Big as a giant,
We're all the same size
When we turn off the light.
Rich as a sultan,
Poor as a mite,
We're all worth the same
When we turn off the light.
Red, black or orange,
Yellow or white,
We all look the same
When we turn off the light.
So maybe the way,
To make everything right
Is for God to just reach out
And turn off the light!"

— Shel Silverstein

Zebra's Questions

"I asked the Zebra,
Are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on and on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra about stripes...again."

— Shel Silverstein

Pet Snowball

"I made myself a snowball
As perfect as can be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for it's head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first - It wet the bed."

— Shel Silverstein

Silly World

"Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before."

— Shel Silverstein

Boom

Charley Keyes article today in CNN Politics discusses the administration's search for the right words in handling the current crisis with North Korea.  How about "BOOM" !!!

Sands Of Time

I'm too lazy to leave footprints in the sands of time.  But I leave a real good buttprint.

Good Read

I'd rather read Yogi Berra than Shakespeare.

Darnder?

If "darn" is a tame curse word and "darndest" is the most possible, what is "darnder"?

Stupid Intelligence

I tried artificial intelligence a couple of times but it didn't work. Then I tried real stupid and it worked great.

Pulpit Prophesy

The low and declining state of morality and virtue among us is too obvious not to be seen, and of too threatening an aspect not to be lamented by all lovers of God and country. Though our pursuit of happiness depends much on the conduct of our rulers, yet it is not in the power of even the best of elected officials to make an impious, profligate people happy. No matter how well our public affairs may be managed, we will surly undo ourselves by our vices. And it is from hence, I apprehend, that our greatest danger arises. That spirit of infidelity, selfishness, luxury, and dissipation, which so deeply marks our present manners, is more formidable than all the arms of our enemies.


Simeon Howard, A.M., of Boston: Mass. Election Sermon, 1780.

Automatic

The commercial said it was automatic.  I went to the store and bought it and the outside of the box said it was automatic.  But when I went to use it I found out I had to push a button.

Organized Bumper Stickers

I saw these two bumper stickers on the same bumper today. The guy behind
the wheel looked like a “community organizer” and there was an SEIU flag attached to the radio antenna.  The first sentence is true.  The second sentence has possibilities.

Voting 101

Beware the candidate who tells you all of the reasons why his or her opponent is not qualified and fails to tell you why he or she is qualified.

Liberty Lost

Lady Liberty shall soon be crushed to death by the enormous weight of government and no amount of patriotic blood, sweat and tears shall revive her.

Common Sense Patriot

"The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government."
— Thomas Paine

Global Warming And Soap

I'm worrying myself sick about Global Warming and then I read this..."Antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day soon we'll all be wiped out by the common cold."

The Success Of Failing

Michael Jordan missed more than 9000 shots in his career. He lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times he was trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. He failed over and over and over again in his life. And that is why he succeeded.

When God Created Mothers

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."
It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."
God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."
I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.
But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."
Can it think?"
Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."
What's it for?"
It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."
You are a genius, " said the angel.
Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there."

— Erma Bombeck (When God Created Mothers)